If I asked you to describe your sex drive over the last 2 months, you would probably say: “it’s normal… the usual”. But what is normal?
Normal is what works for you and makes you feel fulfilled and satisfied. There is no right or wrong answer. However, desire can also be cultivated and you can choose whether or not to feel it. It is not something that just happens by chance.
Don’t get me wrong. Sexdrive can be present spontaneously, however, over the years, most women’s sex drive will substantially decrease with time due to the stability of the relationships. The good news is that you can decide, right now, that your sex drive is in your hands and you have the power to light up that desire as and when you please.
You have the power to can reconcile the concepts of love, sexual intimacy and desire, before they disappear.
It would seem as though life as a couple, children and daily routines are incompatible with the pursuit of passion and sexual desire.
We get stuck into routines and take part in activities within our comfort zones often with those who give us security, stability and happiness in almost all aspects of your life. Most of us will build a life of routines and comfort with someone to who we were sexually attracted to and had satisfactory sex with at the begging.
Thanks to sex we might (or not) have children, and together build a life together.
But what happens to desire?
Often the female role within a couple becomes de-sexualised and the decline of sexual intimacy and desire widely accepted as a normal occurance. But it doesn’t have to be and it is completely unnatural. You have every right to feel desire, to cultivate it, and feel desired as well throughout your life.
The reality is that routine, stress and the additives of stability are permanent, and you can do little to avoid them.
Adventure and independence play an important role in desire and that has nothing to do with love, attachments and security. If you want to begin to strengthen your desire, to rebuild or rescue it, you have to understand that love does not equal good sex and that you have the opportunity to change the question: If we love each other so much, why do we make love so little?
Loving your partner is an additive or it should be. But experience tells us the opposite, so we must work at it because loving and experiencing sexual desire at the same time is very rewarding.
Feeling desirable is essential for this, cultivating yourself to be able to surrender to it, be it alone or with your partner, so that you don’t have to rescue anything in your long-term relationship, but cultivate for a long time the novelty, curiosity, mystery and most important of all: the imagination. Remember that desire is not characterized by dependency, is not vigilant, or anxious, or worried. Desire is the absolute connection with your own self-worth, because if you don’t disconnect from negative distractors, there will be no desire to cultivate.
I recommend, really, I always do, to keep Esther Perel among your references, especially her book: Mating Captivity: unlocking erotic intelligence. It is certainly one of the best contributions in the subject in recent years.
